When one thinks of friendships or when people recall time with their best friends, they recall sleepovers, meals and gossip sessions. That’s what friendship should be about right? Don’t get me wrong – that’s what my friendships have been about, and I certainly cherish those memories. But being a woman with a disability, there are a few instances that I remember, ones I wish I didn’t.
I use crutches to find my way around the world. During my school days, my crutches used to be lying in one corner of the classroom while I sat in another. A lot of friends, albeit unintentionally used to use my elbow crutch as a bat and enjoy a good game of cricket. As a kid, I thought it was funny and laughed it off- I even felt included in the game, my crutch playing was as if I was playing. However, today after much deliberation and exploration I want to elaborate upon why it is not okay to play with people’s assistive devices our assistive devices (canes, crutches, wheelchairs, hair aids, etc.) are a part of our bodies, so taking away a crutch is like taking away a limb and playing with it. Please don’t do that.
A lot of friends, albeit unintentionally used to use my elbow crutch as a bat and enjoy a good game of cricket. As a kid, I thought it was funny and laughed it off- I even felt included in the game, my crutch playing was as if I was playing. However, today after much deliberation and exploration I want to elaborate upon why it is not okay to play with people’s assistive devices our assistive devices (canes, crutches, wheelchairs, hair aids, etc.) are a part of our bodies, so taking away a crutch is like taking away a limb and playing with it.
Also, I would like to mention that, yes we need help, but we have a sense of agency too. We really appreciate your help and concern (we know you mean well!) but ask us if we really need help. Unsolicited support or advice is not welcome. Pushing someone’s wheelchair or holding a Blind person's hand and making them cross the road when they don’t ask for it, is not okay. It is equivalent to treating us like objects. We are people just like you and we like to have the agency to decide when we need help and whether we want to be pushed, need help crossing the road or not. Maybe we are just relaxing on our wheelchair, standing on the road and enjoying a roadside snack, chatting with a friend or, waiting for a cab- please consider these possibilities.
I remember a particularly funny incident – I had come out of a movie called Badhai Ho (What a movie!) and a random person started talking to my mother about an amalgamation of five different oils that will help me regain my ability to walk. I wanted to go for a movie, free ka gyaan nahi chahiye yaar!
Believe me that is not going to happen – I have cerebral palsy – the damage is in my brain (so, its bheja fry) and not in my limbs (and not a good leg piece!). Excuse the joke, I'm writing this whilst enjoying a plate of chicken biryani. I know more about my disability than anyone - I know when I need help and when I don't.
Free gifts, movie tickets, outings and curly hair products on the other hand, are loved! Also the person outside the cinema (Miss Unsolicited Advice) was talking to my mother and not me. Talk to us not our parents, friends, partners accompanying us please. Talk to us- we might have different, even opposing viewpoints from friends or family who may or may not be accompanying us. More importantly, we are different people- talking to people who accompany us is not the same as talking to us- we have different likes, dislikes and personalities.
Talk to us not our parents, friends, partners accompanying us please. Talk to us- we might have different, even opposing viewpoints from friends or family who may or may not be accompanying us. More importantly, we are different people- talking to people who accompany us is not the same as talking to us- we have different likes, dislikes and personalities.
In conclusion, treat us the way you would treat anyone else. If you wouldn’t advice a random person walking down the road about anything, then don’t advise us about our disabilities either. If you talk to your friends and not their mothers, do the same with us. It’s just that simple!
